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Browns Eyeing 6 Quarterbacks To Rifle Through In 2014
From The Onion, but it sounds like the Browns to me.
CLEVELAND— In an effort to dispel uncertainty surrounding the quarterback position, Cleveland Browns head coach Mike Pettine confirmed Monday that the team is currently monitoring six players to rifle through in rapid succession next season.
“The competition for that starting spot is wide open right now, so we plan on blowing through at least a half dozen options at quarterback during the course of the regular season,” said Pettine, adding that following training camp and preseason, the team will select a new play caller to be the face of the franchise, only to bench him in week five after a string of subpar performances. “As head coach, I just have to go with the guy who gives us the best chance to win. Then I’ll replace him with someone else when he doesn’t come through, and we’ll repeat that process over and over again until we finally land on some washed-up veteran who will finish out our final few meaningless games.”
Pettine also told reporters that quarterback Brian Hoyer is making good progress in his recovery from a torn ACL last season, making him a prime candidate to be traded for a pick in the 2015 draft.