How do these people survive?

[Djfan]

How do these people survive?

Remember. They are voting, driving and having little babies like them!!!

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)


TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
(She had no clue to what had just happened.)


THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(Keep shuddering!!)


FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!!!


FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

SEVEN

A few weeks ago I call for a pizza and ask for a specialty pizza and the guy tells me there's no promotion on it and I tell him I don't mind just send me the pizza, again he tells it does not fall in a promotion. I told him I don't care I'm paying the full price. And he tells me again about the promotion and I just finished the call.

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

[flippy]

if there weren't people like this, we'd have a hard time passing the time.

i've been guilty of putting my brain on autopilot many times

[cruzer8]

I think I read somewhere that these are made up.

[Djfan]

I think I read somewhere that these are made up.

I don't care. They are funny.

[NJ-STEELER]

4


i had a roomate a few years back and something similiar happened to his remote door key and was complaining he couldnt get into his truck. when i aksed him if he lost his keys he said no, but was having trouble with his remote for the door


i answered back "you're not serious, are you?"

he was



that was a good laugh

[Discipline of Steel]

My poor Dad, he an engineer at a nuclear power plant but we all have our moments...

One time I was telling him that crabs (yes, those) will infest the crotch, underarms and eyebrows, but not head hair. He wondered "Eyebrows? How n the heck do they ... nevermind."

[MeetJoeGreene]

My poor Dad, he an engineer at a nuclear power plant but we all have our moments...

One time I was telling him that crabs (yes, those) will infest the crotch, underarms and eyebrows, but not head hair. He wondered "Eyebrows? How n the heck do they ... nevermind."

My response would have been "Underarms? How n the heck do they ...".

Another note, a neighbor of mine when I was a kid (in the 70s, but he was in his 50s at that time), Told me he got crabs when he was younger. And to get rid of them - he sprayed his infected area with ... DDT. (this was before DDT was banned).

[Discipline of Steel]

My poor Dad, he an engineer at a nuclear power plant but we all have our moments...

One time I was telling him that crabs (yes, those) will infest the crotch, underarms and eyebrows, but not head hair. He wondered "Eyebrows? How n the heck do they ... nevermind."

My response would have been "Underarms? How n the heck do they ...".

Another note, a neighbor of mine when I was a kid (in the 70s, but he was in his 50s at that time), Told me he got crabs when he was younger. And to get rid of them - he sprayed his infected area with ... DDT. (this was before DDT was banned).

DDT? Thats terrible! He could have taken the ecological approach and sent tiny lizards in to snack them up.