I saw on FB yesterday that my mom was readmitted to the psych eval ward in So Cal. She is 78 and had Parkinsons with severe dementia. Over the last year she has fallen into the black hole of being someone different.
I spoke with her last week on the way to DJ a wedding. She didn't know who I was, but was congratulating me on my getting married. I didn't try to clear it up. It was no use. I just thanked her.
Right now my nephew is there with my dad (83 yrs old). My folks have been married for 53 years. He is very pained but too stubborn to admit it. It is clear to us all anyway.
I called him last night to see if he wanted me to be out there with him. He said no.
In 1982 I left the religion that I was raised with because I couldn't buy into it anymore. I am very devout in my faith, and I promise no one considers it a cult (OK maybe Flippy might. Just kidding, Flippy!). They never could come to grips with it.
After my conversion (don't get hung up on this word, it's not the point here) My dad told my siblings to not talk to me anymore. That has softened, but this type of treatment continues. I haven't spoken with my oldest brother since 1998.
When I divorced my dad was in favor of it. That was a very bad situation by most everyone's assessment. Almost immediately my parents virtually ignored me and started hanging around with my ex. They even passed up my wife's surprise 5 year wedding anniversary party she threw for me because they were busy and the cleaning lady was supposed to come that day. They did manage to make it to my ex's remarriage, though.
This is how my family is.
There was a time I told them that their priority of being with my ex - who has spent thousands to keep my son from me and threatened me with court action if I ever pissed her off - was causing a rift, and that it was just plain wrong. I told them that if they continued in this course of action I would be forced to sever my relationship with them. They told me that they were not changing their stance, so we didn't communicate for over two years.
I finally contacted them to donate my DJ services for their 50th wedding anniversary, but only if they took my ex off of the guest list. They decided a few weeks later to do so, but only after many of my family members gave them the riot act.
So here I am, very much the black sheep, watching my mother get institutionalized and my dad's health go down hill along with his energy to go on.
Yet he doesn't want me.
I don't know why I wrote this. I am still debating on hitting the submit button or not. Truth is I value the membership on this board in my life. Crazy, I know, but the acceptance I have felt here is warming.
Thanks all. Promise your legacy that you will choose love and family over what ever fears you have. I don't know how I will talk about my parents when they are gone. It won't be long before I have to figure out what I will say though.
God bless you all.