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Thread: Oil Change instructions

  1. #1
    Legend fordfixer's Avatar
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    Oil Change instructions

    Oil Change instructions for Women:

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

    Money spent:

    Oil Change: $20.00
    Coffee: $1.00
    Total: $21.00



    Oil Change instructions for Men:

    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
    2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine...
    Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
    1 Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    21) Drink beer.
    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles.
    25) Begin cussing fit.
    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
    2 Beer.
    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    30) Beer.
    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    32) Beer.
    33) Lower car from jack stands.
    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
    35) Beer.
    36) Test drive car.
    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    3 Car gets impounded.
    39) Call loving wife, make bail.
    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:

    Parts: $50.00
    DUI: $2500.00
    Impound fee: $75.00
    Bail: $1500.00
    Beer: $20.00
    Total: $4,145.00

    But you know the job was done right!

    Molon labe

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. George Orwell



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    Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you 1. Jesus Christ, 2.The American G.I., One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

  2. #2
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    Re: Oil Change instructions

    :lol

    I've gone the women route because of this to a degree. It's just easier. Although I'd never use Jiffy Lube, but I pay a little more and use a local garage that I trust.

    Plus nowadays you can go 5-12K miles between oil changes depending on the car and the oil and the way you drive. And for some reason, it seems like the newer the car, the harder they make it to do stuff yourself.

    I'm sure it's no problem for you though

  3. #3
    Legend fordfixer's Avatar
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    Re: Oil Change instructions

    Quote Originally Posted by flippy
    :lol

    I've gone the women route because of this to a degree. It's just easier. Although I'd never use Jiffy Lube, but I pay a little more and use a local garage that I trust.

    Plus nowadays you can go 5-12K miles between oil changes depending on the car and the oil and the way you drive. And for some reason, it seems like the newer the car, the harder they make it to do stuff yourself.

    I'm sure it's no problem for you though ;)

    No Nancy I have no problem doing my own oil change

    Molon labe

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. George Orwell



    American metal pimped by asiansteel
    Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you 1. Jesus Christ, 2.The American G.I., One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

  4. #4
    Backup
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    Re: Oil Change instructions

    Wait, wait....wait....


    A case of beer costs $20 in America?!

  5. #5
    Pro Bowler D Rock's Avatar
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    Re: Oil Change instructions

    I'm probably due for an oil change soon. I used to just have my dad (bodyman) or the mechanics next door take care of everything for me. Now that I've moved far far away I don't have a local mechanic or anything of the sort.

    Which chain-company oil place do you guys recommend I use?

  6. #6
    Legend fordfixer's Avatar
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    Re: Oil Change instructions

    Ask around and find out where others in your area go for oil changes and if they have had any problems with service.

    Molon labe

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. George Orwell



    American metal pimped by asiansteel
    Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you 1. Jesus Christ, 2.The American G.I., One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

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