Soccer - because it's 89 minutes and 20 seconds of watching people chase each other, and 40 seconds of excitement broken down into about ten 4 second clumps. After those 4 seconds it is either a REALLY cool celebration (I gotta admit when goal is finally scored soccer is exciting for a couple minutes of celebration and announcer calls) or the ball is out of bounds/controlled by the goalie and all momentum is lost.
Basketball - There's 200 points scored in a game. There's no real danger if you miss a shot until the last 10 seconds. I just fail to see how this is interesting at all.
Golf - This is what business men and mafia gangsters do as a way to get out in the open and discuss their dirty dealings where no one else can hear them. That's kind of exciting if you could hear what was going on. Unfortunately, the only golf that's on tv is the kind where it is considered rude to make noise half of the time, and the only dirty dealings are with Tiger Woods banging a whole lot of chicks in his private life. Bonus points to John Daly for spicing things up.