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Thread: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

  1. #1
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    I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    You know...Come to think of it...When Ben was in Wilkes Barre for wrestling I met him at Club 10.

    I went to the bathroom but had trouble getting there because Willie Colon was holding onto my shirt as I walked down the hall. Thank God I weigh more than him because I might have made pee pee in my pants. He didn't have any chance at stopping me.

    Anyway, as I opened the door to the bathroom I knocked Hartwig right off his feet. Apparently he was trying to get out and was in a 3 point stands on the other side of the door. He was waiting for someone to yell "hike" but all I heard was Kemo in the stall grunting trying to push out a Chalupa he ate at La Tolteca for lunch. There was no way I was going in there.

    So I went to the girls room and knocked on the door. Nobody was in there so I proceeded to use theirs. While I was standing in front of the toilet the lights went out. I didn't think much of it until now. I remember hearing a whisper, "Do whatever you want!" in a very deep feminine voice. I then felt a poke in my lower back and I spun around to grab the girl to get an idea what I was having for dinner. She was a big sucker and I said, "Dam girl...I hope I don't disappoint you...I haven't had my A$$ whipped since my Father did it in the 4th grade." Well that girl spun and shook me off and went right out the bathroom door. I ripped her shirt off and when I turned on the lights it was a T-shirt with a devils face. Man, I wished I didn't scare her...Imagine what a girl in a strip club wearing a T-shirt with a devils face would be like in bed.

    Anyway, When I got out of the girls bathroom I wanted to look around to see if I could find the girl and convince he to come back to my place. I like a challenge and big girls need love too. I opened the door to the men's room and knocked Hartwig off his feet again. Kemo was standing in front of the mirror drenched in sweat. He was ringing out his shirt. There were balls of wet paper towels all over the floor and his pants were still around his ankles. He told me to give him a minute. Come to think of it, I haven't had to pluck my nose hair since that day. Hmm...Very odd.

    Anyway, I left those guys in the bathroom and went back out into the club. Willie Colon sprang from the janitor's closet and grabbed onto my shirt again. He let go after a few seconds because Starks yelled to him, "I said to go on two." It took me a while to recognize Starks because his head was stuck through the acoustical ceiling. If it wasn't for that Gator shirt I could see under his Mauna Loa Hawaiian shirt I would have just tripped over his feet and never thought about it again.

    I started looking around to see if I could see a girl who fit that build I felt in the girls bathroom. I thought I saw someone hiding under a table on the floor but it was just Stapleton & Essex passed out holding each other. I left them be. There wasn't many people there and it looked like Ben's body guards were talking to the girl scouts that came by to sell cookies. I remember seeing a yellow bus outside from one of the local colleges. It was all decorated up and said "Go Lady Colonels." It was kind of odd seeing it there in the parking lot but I didn't think anything of it.

    I heard alot of noise coming from a back room. There was loud music, singing, & loud talking but the curtains were pulled shut so I couldn't see anything. Ben's bodyguards were still busy putting the cookies into the limo so I decided to take a peek. Guess what, There he was...My Man...Big Ben!!! He was sitting at the table with no shirt on & pouring shots for a girls field hockey team. All those girls in those little outfits. He is da man. I heard him say, "All you bitches, take my shots!"

    I remember turning my head seeing a girl on a stool down a dark hallway sitting there passed out & propped up against the wall. She must have been the goalie or something because she was put together. When I looked back into the room Ben ripped the curtain open. I didn't know what to say or do, so I asked him for an autograph. He said, "Can't do it...You don't have boobs!" He then said excuse me and started walking down that dark hallway where the girl was. I couldn't see but it looked like he was checking to see if his zipper was up. I saw the girl open her eyes and tell Ben, "Ben, I'm so cold." I remember hearing Ben say, "Sorry Baby, Where is my shirt I gave you?" Just then one of Ben's bodyguards yelled, "Hey...What are you doing with Ben's shirt?"


    You guys ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Where did you think I was going with that! Hope that heals some of your wounds Steeler Nation.
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  2. #2
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    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    Dude, that was creative for sure, mildly entertaining, but you have WAY too much time on your hands!

  3. #3

    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    Bummer! I thought you had privileged information that Jom112 had finally roared out of the Bengal closet and admitted his allegiance to the Black and Gold.

  4. #4
    Legend RuthlessBurgher's Avatar
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    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    I'm likely the only one to appreciate the little details in there, such as Club 10, La Tolteca, the Lady Colonels, etc.

    Since the weather was nice today, I decided to walk around Public Square for a little while after eating lunch at Rodano's. What a freak show down there!


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    2.46 TE Austin Seferian-Jenkins, Washington
    3.97c ILB Shayne Skov, Stanford
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    5.173c RB Jerrick McKinnon, Georgia Southern
    6.192 CB Walt Aikens, Liberty
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  5. #5
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    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    What happened to the part where Art Rooney showed up and suddenly Ben was on his best behavior?

  6. #6
    Hall of Famer AngryAsian's Avatar
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    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    I just wasted 5 minutes of my life that I can never get back.

  7. #7
    Legend RuthlessBurgher's Avatar
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    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    Quote Originally Posted by AngryAsian
    I just wasted 5 minutes of my life that I can never get back.
    Jiga can get it back for you.



    1.15 WR Mike Evans, Texas A&M
    2.46 TE Austin Seferian-Jenkins, Washington
    3.97c ILB Shayne Skov, Stanford
    4.118 CB Philip Gaines, Rice
    5.157 OT James Hurst, North Carolina
    5.173c RB Jerrick McKinnon, Georgia Southern
    6.192 CB Walt Aikens, Liberty
    6.215c DE Deandre Coleman, California
    7.230 NT Zack Kerr, Delaware

  8. #8
    Hall of Famer AngryAsian's Avatar
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    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    Quote Originally Posted by RuthlessBurgher
    Quote Originally Posted by AngryAsian
    I just wasted 5 minutes of my life that I can never get back.
    Jiga can get it back for you.


  9. #9
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    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    I found it amusing. I should have clarified this was copied from an email I received from a friend. I'm not taking credit. I have a different perspective since the guy that sent it brags about meeting Ben at the club after the wrestling show. He has a female friend that works there that called him the night Ben & friends showed up. He made the trip without calling me! I knew the local references would be picked up by RB and the "girlscout" reference was part of his story of the night he told us so it makes sense to me. Looks like he "twisted it" in to add some spice. Funny thing is he's a HS teacher and he had a long night! Tax dollars well spent the next morning I guess.
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    5b Kevin Pierre-Louis LB
    6a Beau Allen NT
    6b Shaquille Richardson CB
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  10. #10
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    Re: I was keeping it quiet...But everyone needs to know.

    Quote Originally Posted by RuthlessBurgher
    I'm likely the only one to appreciate the little details in there, such as Club 10, La Tolteca, the Lady Colonels, etc.

    Since the weather was nice today, I decided to walk around Public Square for a little while after eating lunch at Rodano's. What a freak show down there!
    I like Rodano's. Their pizza reminds me of Mimo's that used to be off the square when I was growing up. "Freak show"...Don't be so kind. Center City Wilkes Barre is a ghost town. You could probably combine everything that matters in Wilkes Barre and stick it in 2 blocks. "The village of Wilkes Barre". Over the river in Kingston is far better. I'm so glad I'm in the country!
    1st (T-D) Kelvin Benjamin WR
    2nd Bradley Roby CB
    3a Kareem Martin DE
    3b C.J. Fiedorowicz TE
    4th Christian Jones LB
    5a Dri Archer RB
    5b Kevin Pierre-Louis LB
    6a Beau Allen NT
    6b Shaquille Richardson CB
    7th John Brown WR

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