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Thread: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

  1. #1
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    Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    Here are the RULES for your significant other and how they should behave when dealing with you this football season. Print them off today and place them on the refrigerator or by the TV to make sure there is no confusion:

    1. From the last weekend in August until the end of the bowl season, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping trips will be canceled for a month.

    2. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting the beers, I don't mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.

    3. During the football season, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you understand who I'm yelling at during the season. As a tip, check the box scores for the referees names too.

    4. During the games I will be drunk as Cooter Brown. You cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, kill any spiders, answer the phone, etc. It ain't gonna happen.

    5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

    6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because my team is losing, DO NOT say "I'll get over it", "it' s only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called ' words of encouragement ' will only lead to a break up or divorce.

    7. If a great play occurs while you are in the room, you may be required to freeze or repeat your act for the rest of the game as good mojo. If my team wins, you will be showered with gifts for the next 6 days. If they lose, you will be blamed repeatedly for moving, blinking or secretly not believing in your heart of the power of mojo.

    8. Tell your friends NOT to get married, have any babies, or any other social related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there before the Coors Light bottles reach 'Code Blue '.

    9. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. College Game day and the highlights on Saturday night are just as important as the games themselves. Even if I curse Lou, Herbie, and Corso, I still want to hear what they say.

    10. And finally, please save your expressions such as: "Thank God the football season is only during the Fall. " I am immune to these words, because after this comes the NFL playoffs, the Pro Bowl, AFL, AFL2, the CFL, and the replays on the college sports channels

  2. #2
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    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    ... Outstanding!............. I just e-mailed that to Brenda!.....

  3. #3
    Pro Bowler Jigawatts's Avatar
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    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost
    8. Tell your friends NOT to get married, have any babies, or any other social related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there before the Coors Light bottles reach 'Code Blue '.
    Our anniversary is September 7th. Oh, I will be watching the game, but I'm probably
    going to have to pay for it.

    I think she planned that date way before we were engaged. Clever girl.

  4. #4
    Hall of Famer AngryAsian's Avatar
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    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    Ghost, I just might nominate you for PS Board President for the above noted award winning piece of literature. You should be take your message nationally so that other men can gain the benefits of your written word. From now on, I'll only refer to you as:

    GRAND POOH-BAH GHOST

  5. #5
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    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    Quote Originally Posted by Jigawatts
    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost
    8. Tell your friends NOT to get married, have any babies, or any other social related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there before the Coors Light bottles reach 'Code Blue '.
    Our anniversary is September 7th. Oh, I will be watching the game, but I'm probably
    going to have to pay for it.

    I think she planned that date way before we were engaged. Clever girl.
    jig,
    You're whipped!
    http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/f...ion1/sn1-1.jpg http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/f...ns_44958-1.jpg
    South End Zone...Screaming My Head Off...Every Game! 111 consecutive and counting.

  6. #6
    Legend papillon's Avatar
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    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost
    7. If a great play occurs while you are in the room, you may be required to freeze or repeat your act for the rest of the game as good mojo.
    Even if a great play doesn't occur my wife is required to repeat the act she is performing as often as possible!

    Pappy


    1.15) Ryan Shazier - ILB/OLB
    2.46) Stephon Tuitt - DE
    3.97) Dri Archer - RB
    4.118 ) Martavis Bryant - WR
    5.157) Shaquille Richardson - CB
    6.173) Wesley Johnson - OT
    6.192) Jordan Zumwalt - ILB
    7.215) Daniel McCullers - DT
    7.230) Rob Blanchflower - TE

    "Before you can win a game, you have to not lose it." -- Chuck Noll

  7. #7
    Pro Bowler Jigawatts's Avatar
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    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    Quote Originally Posted by SteelerNation1
    Quote Originally Posted by Jigawatts
    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost
    8. Tell your friends NOT to get married, have any babies, or any other social related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there before the Coors Light bottles reach 'Code Blue '.
    Our anniversary is September 7th. Oh, I will be watching the game, but I'm probably
    going to have to pay for it.

    I think she planned that date way before we were engaged. Clever girl.
    jig,
    You're whipped!

  8. #8

    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    LOL, you sir are truly gifted! My wife basically leaves me alone when the Steelers play or there would be war.

  9. #9
    Legend fordfixer's Avatar
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    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    classic - just don't tell my wife.

    Molon labe

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. George Orwell



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  10. #10
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    Re: Rules for the Season - Print and place in appropriate place

    I have with been with my wife since '90 (6 living together, 12 married) & her curse of negatively affecting games began with her enthusiastic cheering (she was one in college ) during the AFCC loss to the Chargers, to the SB loss to the Cowboys & continues to this day. She knows she's banned from watching any games unless the team is comfortably ahead . I did offer a reprieve if the Steelers had lost to the Seahawks, but the juju would not be denied . Being a girl, she doesn't respect her negative mojo (it extends to computers too ), but being a loving wife, she goes along with it for me. But unfortunately for her, our son & daughter have been told about the "curse", the always-changing "lucky" spot in the room, the magic of repeating positive-energy movements & not to mess with the mojo . So now they chase her out at every opportunity.

    Don't get me wrong...she loves the team, & she knows I love her, but she also knows I love the Steelers more.
    It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust & sweat & blood...

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