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fezziwig
08-28-2010, 09:46 PM
Sorry for the bummer thread and I'm not really asking for feedback or anything like that but, I need to air my thoughts.

My friend John died yesterday and it shouldn't have happened. He was diagnosed with cancer just a few weeks ago but, they said with chemo and all that he would be around for a while. Of all things he died of a heartattack while playing with his grandchildren. I'm 48 and I've known him, worked with him and ran around together since I was 22 years old. John was 16 years older than me and he was not only a co-worker but a friend, brother and dad. I would tell my other friends, " John is the total package " We can laugh together, work together, yell at each other and me to get brotherly or fatherly advice.
I remember one time we were working together and installing a vinyl roll up door in some mill. We were three scaffolds high with the scaffold on floors of metal grates. Not only were we on scaffolds we were also on ladders, real OSHA approval. Anyway, I'm reading out loud the instructions for the final assembly and as I'm reading I said, " each side of the door gets a retainer clip." Just as I said it I dropped one and it went off the scaffold threw the metal grate into a drum of oil. I looked over to John and said, " your clip fell into the drum of oil. " He asked why I knew it was his clip that fell and I replied, " mine is still in my hand. " It wasn't so funny but we laughed like it was and those were the kind of days that we had together.

I'm telling anyone that reads this how I feel about him because I should have let him know how much I thought about him and now I can't. I'm also feeling guilty because he was a better friend to me than I was to him. John was always johnny on the spot and without asking. He was like that for everyone and I think at times he got the raw end of the deal by many or just taken advantaged of. All the same, he probably couldn't care less because he was just the great of a guy.
While playing with his grandchildren he fell asleep and wouldn't wake up they told Johns wife as she was cleaning the kids toys from their outside deck.
He was a smart, smart, smart man and I am broken over his loss and that I can't say goodbye. Even when he was younger he was kind like my grandfather and I often thought of him as my grandfather. The world lost a special person yesterday and I wanted as many people to know.

SanAntonioSteelerFan
08-28-2010, 10:14 PM
I'm sorry for your loss, Fezz. Sounds like it was a lot of peoples' loss, and that is really the true measure of a man.

Regards -

SASF

fordfixer
08-28-2010, 11:13 PM
My thought's and prayer's are with you and his family. I'm sorry for your loss

proudpittsburgher
08-29-2010, 08:37 AM
My condolences, Fezz. losing someone you care about, like a family member is tough, but losing a friend is just, well, different. Somehow, it hits home closer than you would like it to. Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss, brother.

Djfan
08-29-2010, 10:50 AM
Sorry Sir! That's tough. My honest condolences.

stlrz d
08-29-2010, 11:49 AM
Very sorry for your loss.

Shawn
08-29-2010, 12:03 PM
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. That brought a tear to my eye because part of that story rings familiar. I remember the guilt I felt when my best friend (more like a brother than a friend) was killed in a car accident. He was a better friend to me than I was to him. I also didn't tell him how much he meant to me. I have to believe that I will get to tell him someday. I also know from experience you can't hang onto the guilt. It's better to focus on your friendship and the good times. If you hang onto guilt it keeps you from processing his death properly. I'm sure he knew how much he meant to you.

fezziwig
08-29-2010, 07:31 PM
Thanks guys, your words mean a lot to me.

RuthlessBurgher
08-30-2010, 12:10 AM
There is never a good time to die for someone who leaves us too soon, but it is hard to imagine that such a man could conceive of a more enjoyable experience for his last moments on earth than to be playing with his grandchildren. At the very least, that could be considered to be somewhat of a blessing. Although it is likely difficult for those kids now, their lasting impression of their grandfather will almost assurdly be of someone who truly cared about them.

MCHammer
08-30-2010, 11:47 AM
I've also lost some friends without having ever said goodbye or otherwise expressing clearly their value to me. Yet I have to think they probably knew just the same and based on the relationship you described with John, I'd guess he knew how you felt. My condolences to you and John's family.

grotonsteel
08-30-2010, 04:41 PM
Very Sorry for you loss fezz.

flippy
08-31-2010, 01:11 PM
F Death!!!

I'm sure he knew how much he meant to you and that's why he treated you so kindly. We're our own harshest critics because we know every little detail about ourselves. But don't be harsh on yourself, I'm sure John only remembered and saw the good in you. And that's why you were great friends.

fezziwig
08-31-2010, 08:25 PM
Thanks guys and I really mean that. The viewing yesterday and funeral was tough and especially on his wife and grandchildren. I never seen so many people cry at a funeral as I did this one. Before I said anything his wife she hugged me as I walked in and told me she wanted me to know that John knew I loved him. I couldn't believe it, she was reading my mind because I was just getting ready to ask her if John knew.

You guys all said great things to me and flippy, you nailed it about we know our own details and it's hard to look or face them at times.

You didn't snag that from a Clint Eastwood movie did ya ? :)

AngryAsian
09-06-2010, 10:55 AM
My apologies for your loss, FEZZ. I learned this lesson young when my older brother got killed in a car accident when I was 16. There were so many things that were left unsaid, and like all siblings at that age, turbulence was often the tempo of the interaction rather than harmony. That is why to this date, I don't hesitate to let the people that I truly care about know exactly what they mean to me. My bestest buds (men) often end our conversations over the phone with a "Love you, bro." True friendship a commodity often
underscored and it is a shame... but through my experience, sentiments that are often felt between men are often the stuff that brotherhood is forged through, thus they are not singularly felt from one side. So what I'm trying to say is that your friend I'm sure knew your heartfelt emotions and I'm sure valued them, even though they were not voiced as often as you would of liked.... and remember... the fact that you still feel this kinship for your departed friend, means your friend will never die, because he'll always live through you and the memories you both shared as brothers.

Shawn
09-06-2010, 11:46 AM
My apologies for your loss, FEZZ. I learned this lesson young when my older brother got killed in a car accident when I was 16. There were so many things that were left unsaid, and like all siblings at that age, turbulence was often the tempo of the interaction rather than harmony. That is why to this date, I don't hesitate to let the people that I truly care about know exactly what they mean to me. My bestest buds (men) often end our conversations over the phone with a "Love you, bro." True friendship a commodity often
underscored and it is a shame... but through my experience, sentiments that are often felt between men are often the stuff that brotherhood is forged through, thus they are not singularly felt from one side. So what I'm trying to say is that your friend I'm sure knew your heartfelt emotions and I'm sure valued them, even though they were not voiced as often as you would of liked.... and remember... the fact that you still feel this kinship for your departed friend, means your friend will never die, because he'll always live through you and the memories you both shared as brothers.

That's a good way to deal with your relationships. My friend of 27 years and I both were close to Tony. When we get together we both know it could be the last time we see each other. We interact accordingly. I have no issues with telling my friend I love him nor him to me. While that might make some red blooded meat eating males a little uncomfortable we both know how special true friends are. I'm very sorry to hear about your brother and I know you still miss him.