PDA

View Full Version : As a father...



steelblood
03-29-2010, 11:46 AM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

feltdizz
03-29-2010, 11:52 AM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

That has to be tough...

I guess it's time to have the talk about how these idols can fail off the field.

BradshawsHairdresser
03-29-2010, 11:54 AM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I fell like I'm in the same position.

BURGH86STEEL
03-29-2010, 11:54 AM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

This is a dilemma that a lot of fans face. The thoughts and ideas about the way he treats women will linger even if Ben is innocent. There just has to be a better way to deal with women then trying to seduce them in the bathrooms of bars.

papillon
03-29-2010, 12:20 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Sugar
03-29-2010, 12:32 PM
As a father myself I think it's also important to point out the value of your reputation. For all we know, these are both slanderous accusations. Even if both men are cleared of any wrongdoing, the damage has been done.

There is no "just kidding" or "my bad" or "innocent mistake" in this kind of thing. False accusations ruin people's lives which is probably why their prohibition is one of the 10 commandments.

Shawn
03-29-2010, 12:52 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

This is $$$. Your boys will learn to treat women how their father treats women.

steelblood
03-29-2010, 12:54 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

cruzer8
03-29-2010, 01:24 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

Start with explaining to your boys the difference between "accused" and "charged".

Hope that helps.

Jigawatts
03-29-2010, 01:33 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

Start with explaining to your boys the difference between "accused" and "charged".

Hope that helps.

Accused or charged, what's the difference? A black eye is a black eye. Next thing you
know Heath Miller is accused of naked-driving a motorized bar stool over the Roberto
Clemente Bridge. This is starting to get ridiculous.

aggiebones
03-29-2010, 01:37 PM
Haha, sucks to be you!
My boys are 5, 2 and 6 months in utero.

My boys still idolize me. I'm the King baby!

Piper will likely be paid soon however... :(

RuthlessBurgher
03-29-2010, 01:40 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

Start with explaining to your boys the difference between "accused" and "charged".

Hope that helps.

Accused or charged, what's the difference? A black eye is a black eye. Next thing you
know Heath Miller is accused of naked-driving a motorized bar stool over the Roberto
Clemente Bridge. This is starting to get ridiculous.

C'mon man...get your facts straight. It was Sean McHugh, wearing a jock strap, riding a Segway, across the Smithfield Street Bridge. Sheesh.

cruzer8
03-29-2010, 01:49 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

Start with explaining to your boys the difference between "accused" and "charged".

Hope that helps.

Accused or charged, what's the difference? A black eye is a black eye. Next thing you
know Heath Miller is accused of naked-driving a motorized bar stool over the Roberto
Clemente Bridge. This is starting to get ridiculous.

They're football players, not priests.

Oh wait........

:shock:

Snatch98
03-29-2010, 01:58 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.


I'm staunchly against physical/mental/emotional abuse against a male or a female. I don't have kids of my own but I do have a younger sister. My gf (We've been together 8 years) has a younger brother that I consider a little brother so I see it both ways from a "protector" stand point. Now with that said I was having a discussion about all of this with my mom a few weeks ago. She flat out said that she would be fearful sending another son to college because of the now escalating actions of co-eds, specifically females preying on males. Mind you she also has a daughter my younger sister who is now in grad school. If you ask me she's absolutely right. What is to top a girl from claiming something happened because she knows society/law enforcement and the judicial system period is going to side with the female in the early goings.

Guys aren't protected at all, throw some money in to the equation and it can get ugly quick. A certain contingent is quick to go to the defense of the "innocent little co-ed" when everything points to some elaborate fabrication. The police haven't moved on anything for a reason and Jim Rome said it best. Big Ben had a dollar sign on his chest and a target on his back. Yes he should have used more discretion in this instance and a few others but just because he's our 100 million dollar man and a male doesn't mean he should be demonized. Women know the leverage they have and now more than ever aren't afraid to use it. All of which is exactly why guys have to be increasingly more careful and aware of their surroundings.

What's stopping some chick from walking out of a bathroom at a college party, seeing a guy she doesn't like and screaming bloody murder just because? I'm not saying this happens regularly if ever but what's stopping it? If a guy said the same he'd be laughed at...when a girl says it the world stops. It's ridiculous if you ask me and exactly why Ben is in "trouble" and why this Santonio thing is now coming out of the woodwork.

Ghost
03-29-2010, 02:14 PM
Good luck to all you dads out there. I can't imagine how hard it is these days.

Before my dad died, he had never laid a hand on my mother in 31 years of marriage. I have the utmost respect for women and can't imagine anyth situation outside of life and death where a man would assault one. But I'm with Snatch98. This is insane and really there is no protection for any guy who happens to be in the cross hairs of an accusation, truth and facts or not. It's scary and I'm guessing this is something you have to talk with your little guys about as well.

I wonder how may guys here were ever in a situation where if a girl had said something you would have been screwed? A situation where consent was given but it would have been your word against hers. Scary stuff.

papillon
03-29-2010, 02:15 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

Start with explaining to your boys the difference between "accused" and "charged".

Hope that helps.

Accused, charged, convicted, found innocent it doesn't really matter, that's splitting hairs. They realize there is the potential that Ben did something untoward to this woman, be she a money grubbing tramp or Rhodes Scholar with an impeccable reputation and they want to know why.

Kids aren't nearly as stupid as some adults would like to think and they pay attention to adults a lot more than you believe. No one said being a parent or an adult would be easy and it isn't. Many adults aren't willing to do the necessary things to set an appropriate example of how to behave.

Pappy

cruzer8
03-29-2010, 02:32 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

Start with explaining to your boys the difference between "accused" and "charged".

Hope that helps.

Accused, charged, convicted, found innocent it doesn't really matter, that's splitting hairs. They realize there is the potential that Ben did something untoward to this woman, be she a money grubbing tramp or Rhodes Scholar with an impeccable reputation and they want to know why.

Kids aren't nearly as stupid as some adults would like to think and they pay attention to adults a lot more than you believe. No one said being a parent or an adult would be easy and it isn't. Many adults aren't willing to do the necessary things to set an appropriate example of how to behave.

Pappy

That's the key word right there. There is no proof yet that he has done anything wrong.

ikestops85
03-29-2010, 03:24 PM
and I thought it was hard parenting in the Clinton era and having to explain to my 9 year old girl what a BJ was. :HeadBanger

I swear it keeps getting tougher and tougher to be a parent.

papillon
03-29-2010, 03:39 PM
Accused, charged, convicted, found innocent it doesn't really matter, that's splitting hairs. They realize there is the potential that Ben did something untoward to this woman, be she a money grubbing tramp or Rhodes Scholar with an impeccable reputation and they want to know why.

Kids aren't nearly as stupid as some adults would like to think and they pay attention to adults a lot more than you believe. No one said being a parent or an adult would be easy and it isn't. Many adults aren't willing to do the necessary things to set an appropriate example of how to behave.

Pappy

That's the key word right there. There is no proof yet that he has done anything wrong.

Proof is irrelevant to a child that now has heard twice in the last year Ben Roethlisberger is linked in some fashion with behavior that is boorish at best and criminal at worst. We've explained to both boys that there haven't been any charges filed at this point in time and they understand that to the degree that they can. It still doesn't eliminate from their minds wondering why Ben continues to find himself in these predicaments. Talk is cheap in this instance.

Pappy

steelblood
03-29-2010, 03:53 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

Start with explaining to your boys the difference between "accused" and "charged".

Hope that helps.

If you read my original post, you would have seen that I did explain that.

But, as Pappy pointed out, you are failing to understand the point here. They simply want to know why "someone" (meaning anyone not necessarily even Ben or Holmes) would assault a woman. Even if these two are innocent of all of these allegations, it doesn't change the fact the kids want to understand why a man would hurt a woman. And, since the accused is a big time football star whom they like and not a career criminal, it is tough for them to understand what the motivation could be.

steelblood
03-29-2010, 03:58 PM
Haha, sucks to be you!
My boys are 5, 2 and 6 months in utero.

My boys still idolize me. I'm the King baby!

Piper will likely be paid soon however... :(

:lol: You have your hands full in an entirely different manner.

hawaiiansteel
03-29-2010, 03:59 PM
and I thought it was hard parenting in the Clinton era and having to explain to my 9 year old girl what a BJ was. :HeadBanger

I swear it keeps getting tougher and tougher to be a parent.



and you of course explained to your daughter that BJ's is a great place to shop? :)

http://www.bjs.com/images/locations/hdr_focus_locations.jpg

feltdizz
03-29-2010, 04:05 PM
Accused, charged, convicted, found innocent it doesn't really matter, that's splitting hairs. They realize there is the potential that Ben did something untoward to this woman, be she a money grubbing tramp or Rhodes Scholar with an impeccable reputation and they want to know why.

Kids aren't nearly as stupid as some adults would like to think and they pay attention to adults a lot more than you believe. No one said being a parent or an adult would be easy and it isn't. Many adults aren't willing to do the necessary things to set an appropriate example of how to behave.

Pappy

That's the key word right there. There is no proof yet that he has done anything wrong.

Proof is irrelevant to a child that now has heard twice in the last year Ben Roethlisberger is linked in some fashion with behavior that is boorish at best and criminal at worst. We've explained to both boys that there haven't been any charges filed at this point in time and they understand that to the degree that they can. It still doesn't eliminate from their minds wondering why Ben continues to find himself in these predicaments. Talk is cheap in this instance.

Pappy

exactly... the whole accused, potential, charged, guilt vs innocent is of little importance to a kid. This is what frustrates me about the Ben case... it's not about guilt or innocence IMO. It's about perception and our players are getting a lot of negative press right now.

ikestops85
03-29-2010, 04:06 PM
and I thought it was hard parenting in the Clinton era and having to explain to my 9 year old girl what a BJ was. :HeadBanger

I swear it keeps getting tougher and tougher to be a parent.



and you of course explained to your daughter that BJ's is a great place to shop? :)

http://www.bjs.com/images/locations/hdr_focus_locations.jpg

Good one ... I only wish I was that quick. :Cheers

flippy
03-29-2010, 04:07 PM
Maybe we should be teaching no violence is acceptable. On the field, off the field, men against men, men against women, women against men, etc.

birtikidis
03-29-2010, 04:12 PM
I'm not a father, but when I was teaching my students lessons in history (i was a history teacher) I always stressed that even good people do bad things, and that even doing something stupid one time can effect you the rest of your life. You should also stress that each person makes their own choices, good or bad, and those choices will define who you are.

steelblood
03-29-2010, 04:12 PM
Maybe we should be teaching no violence is acceptable. On the field, off the field, men against men, men against women, women against men, etc.

Coming from the guy with the psychotic Ronald McDonald in his sig. :lol:

Shoe
03-29-2010, 04:13 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Just tell them these guys ability to play football has nothing to do with what kind of guy they are... it's better that they learn that now anyway. You and I grew up within that other world (where athletes were looked up to). As adults, we now realize how silly it is (to hold these guys to another pedestal, other than as a good player).

In fact, if it lessens the kid's love of the Steelers/pro football, that's a good development. If he/she learns to keep it in proper perspective at a young age, better for hm/hr.

RuthlessBurgher
03-29-2010, 04:17 PM
Maybe we should be teaching no violence is acceptable. On the field, off the field, men against men, men against women, women against men, etc.

This message brought to you by:

http://images.easyart.com/i/prints/rw/lg/7/3/Mini-Posters-WWE---Collage-73480.jpg and http://soren.overgaard.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/call_of_duty_4_200_222.jpg

cruzer8
03-29-2010, 04:47 PM
I'm at a loss to explain assaults on women. I hope they are both innocent, but even the allegations are difficult to communicate to my 8 and 10 year old boys who idolize these athletes. I continue to say that I don't if they did these things. But, I'm beginning to feel like an apologist or a lawyer instead of a Steeler fan.

Treat their mother, sisters, aunts, nieces and female friends with respect and they will learn by observing you. They see you every day, Ben and Santonio are two men who have no day-to-day contact with your sons. You can remind them that you do not treat women in this fashion and that it is unacceptable.

We have two boys (13 and 10) they don't understand why anyone would do this, hopefully, because I treat their mother with respect and admiration.

Pappy

Pappy,

It is exactly that failure to understand that is the problem here. My boys want to understand why someone would do this. Being a good example is only part of the battle. Helping them make sense of this muddled, gray world is often the real challenge.

Start with explaining to your boys the difference between "accused" and "charged".

Hope that helps.

If you read my original post, you would have seen that I did explain that.

But, as Pappy pointed out, you are failing to understand the point here. They simply want to know why "someone" (meaning anyone not necessarily even Ben or Holmes) would assault a woman. Even if these two are innocent of all of these allegations, it doesn't change the fact the kids want to understand why a man would hurt a woman. And, since the accused is a big time football star whom they like and not a career criminal, it is tough for them to understand what the motivation could be.

Because sometimes people do bad things. Now keep in mind boys, Ben has been accused of something. There is no proof that he's done anything.

Glad I could help.

feltdizz
03-29-2010, 04:58 PM
All parents please tell your kids to PM cruzer8 so he can tell them to stop asking questions until a verdict is handed down. Surely that will stop the "why's and how comes" from entering your kids brain! :roll:

flippy
03-29-2010, 05:26 PM
Maybe we should be teaching no violence is acceptable. On the field, off the field, men against men, men against women, women against men, etc.

This message brought to you by:

http://images.easyart.com/i/prints/rw/lg/7/3/Mini-Posters-WWE---Collage-73480.jpg and http://soren.overgaard.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/call_of_duty_4_200_222.jpg

Kids really screw up all the fun stuff in life.

If it wasn't for having to teach kids stuff, no one would have to go to church.

Life would be so much easier.

Probably because it wouldn't exist without reproduction.

Chadman
03-29-2010, 06:18 PM
I don't envy any of you that have to answer thesetions from your children regarding this. You know why? Becaues it's hard explaining this to adults, let alone children.

The 'what you should do's' & 'here's how to do it's' have been played to death. Do whatever works best for you.

Here is the kicker though- if your kids now believe that Ben/Santonio etc are guilty because they hear it through the media, how will you explain it if the charges are dropped? Things just get tougher to explain if there are vindictive, money-grabbing people involved.

And here is the question I would put to all of you- given the situation is that you have to explain this stuff to your kids, are you upset with Ben/Santonio for being accused, or for the media for releasing information, damning information that they know will be spread throughout all news outlets (like a name), when at this stage, it's all accusation- no charges being laid?

If Ben/Santonio's names were not released- do you have to explain this stuff to the Pappy Juniors of the world?

Shawn
03-29-2010, 06:55 PM
I'm not sure I understand the distress over explaining unacceptable behavior by others. I try to raise my children by example and I explain there are many ways to live one's life. Some people choose illegal, violent, and sick ways to exist. These ways are not condusive to a happy, productive life. My gals nod their head. Who knows if they get it yet but I do try to explain contrast as the questions will come from somewhere. All you can do in the end is hope you were a good example and your children adhere to the values you taught.

Steel Life
03-29-2010, 08:17 PM
All you can do in the end is hope you were a good example and your children adhere to the values you taught.
Well said Shawn...

I've got two, a 12 year-old son & a 9 year-old daughter, & they are being raised as rabid Steeler fans - not Ben fans, not Santonio fans, just Steeler fans. As for the legal troubles of the players, both on our team & others, we don't focus on it at all because the wife & I have kept them from idolizing them, instead getting them to look to us or others closer to their level to emulate. When we do encourage them to look at sport stars, we do so deliberately & usually because of some example we'd like for them to appreciate - Federer for his sportsmanship, Danica for breaking barriers, Myron Rolle for balancing education & athletics, Tebow for his overall example, etc.

But my son has asked me about it & I've explained it & the implications as concisely as possible without being dramatic or biased in either direction. But the reality for us is that I have to explain this less than I have to explain other crap like Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, Brittany Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton & "Girls Gone Wild" commercials. In the end you have to remain ever vigilant from any undue influence that may compromise your children - regardless of it's source.

feltdizz
03-29-2010, 08:45 PM
I don't envy any of you that have to answer thesetions from your children regarding this. You know why? Becaues it's hard explaining this to adults, let alone children.

The 'what you should do's' & 'here's how to do it's' have been played to death. Do whatever works best for you.

Here is the kicker though- if your kids now believe that Ben/Santonio etc are guilty because they hear it through the media, how will you explain it if the charges are dropped? Things just get tougher to explain if there are vindictive, money-grabbing people involved.

And here is the question I would put to all of you- given the situation is that you have to explain this stuff to your kids, are you upset with Ben/Santonio for being accused, or for the media for releasing information, damning information that they know will be spread throughout all news outlets (like a name), when at this stage, it's all accusation- no charges being laid?

If Ben/Santonio's names were not released- do you have to explain this stuff to the Pappy Juniors of the world?

Chadman.. you keep harping on the names being released but this is the world we live in when it comes to sports. It's unrealistic to ask if the names weren't released when you are dealing with public figures..

Just wondering if you were bothered by Bungles and Ravens names being released...

It's not a brand new tactic used only to smear Steeler players.

Chadman
03-29-2010, 09:19 PM
I don't envy any of you that have to answer thesetions from your children regarding this. You know why? Becaues it's hard explaining this to adults, let alone children.

The 'what you should do's' & 'here's how to do it's' have been played to death. Do whatever works best for you.

Here is the kicker though- if your kids now believe that Ben/Santonio etc are guilty because they hear it through the media, how will you explain it if the charges are dropped? Things just get tougher to explain if there are vindictive, money-grabbing people involved.

And here is the question I would put to all of you- given the situation is that you have to explain this stuff to your kids, are you upset with Ben/Santonio for being accused, or for the media for releasing information, damning information that they know will be spread throughout all news outlets (like a name), when at this stage, it's all accusation- no charges being laid?

If Ben/Santonio's names were not released- do you have to explain this stuff to the Pappy Juniors of the world?

Chadman.. you keep harping on the names being released but this is the world we live in when it comes to sports. It's unrealistic to ask if the names weren't released when you are dealing with public figures..

Just wondering if you were bothered by Bungles and Ravens names being released...

It's not a brand new tactic used only to smear Steeler players.

This isn't something I've stuck to since the Steelers were involved- it's how I feel about the liberties that the media take with people's lives. Ask yourself this- is Ray Lewis guilty of killing people? We here quite often refer to him as a killer, yet he's innocent in the eyes of the law. By naming a person, celebrity or not, you convict them to many people's judgement. It's wrong, and unfair, and simply has to be stopped. It is easy to just say "that's the media"- but that is the attitude that the media hope you have- that way nobody will ever pull them into line.

If nobody is named by the media- then you bypass trial by media.

Shawn
03-29-2010, 09:42 PM
All you can do in the end is hope you were a good example and your children adhere to the values you taught.
Well said Shawn...

I've got two, a 12 year-old son & a 9 year-old daughter, & they are being raised as rabid Steeler fans - not Ben fans, not Santonio fans, just Steeler fans. As for the legal troubles of the players, both on our team & others, we don't focus on it at all because the wife & I have kept them from idolizing them, instead getting them to look to us or others closer to their level to emulate. When we do encourage them to look at sport stars, we do so deliberately & usually because of some example we'd like for them to appreciate - Federer for his sportsmanship, Danica for breaking barriers, Myron Rolle for balancing education & athletics, Tebow for his overall example, etc.

But my son has asked me about it & I've explained it & the implications as concisely as possible without being dramatic or biased in either direction. But the reality for us is that I have to explain this less than I have to explain other crap like Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, Brittany Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton & "Girls Gone Wild" commercials. In the end you have to remain ever vigilant from any undue influence that may compromise your children - regardless of it's source.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

feltdizz
03-29-2010, 09:59 PM
I don't envy any of you that have to answer thesetions from your children regarding this. You know why? Becaues it's hard explaining this to adults, let alone children.

The 'what you should do's' & 'here's how to do it's' have been played to death. Do whatever works best for you.

Here is the kicker though- if your kids now believe that Ben/Santonio etc are guilty because they hear it through the media, how will you explain it if the charges are dropped? Things just get tougher to explain if there are vindictive, money-grabbing people involved.

And here is the question I would put to all of you- given the situation is that you have to explain this stuff to your kids, are you upset with Ben/Santonio for being accused, or for the media for releasing information, damning information that they know will be spread throughout all news outlets (like a name), when at this stage, it's all accusation- no charges being laid?

If Ben/Santonio's names were not released- do you have to explain this stuff to the Pappy Juniors of the world?

Chadman.. you keep harping on the names being released but this is the world we live in when it comes to sports. It's unrealistic to ask if the names weren't released when you are dealing with public figures..

Just wondering if you were bothered by Bungles and Ravens names being released...

It's not a brand new tactic used only to smear Steeler players.

This isn't something I've stuck to since the Steelers were involved- it's how I feel about the liberties that the media take with people's lives. Ask yourself this- is Ray Lewis guilty of killing people? We here quite often refer to him as a killer, yet he's innocent in the eyes of the law. By naming a person, celebrity or not, you convict them to many people's judgement. It's wrong, and unfair, and simply has to be stopped. It is easy to just say "that's the media"- but that is the attitude that the media hope you have- that way nobody will ever pull them into line.

If nobody is named by the media- then you bypass trial by media.

I don't think Ray Lewis is a killer... but on this board he is referred to as a murderer...

When you sign the dotted line of celebrity/athlete I think you sign your name over to the media... this is also why they have media days and access to athletes we can't get.

The price of fame is high... don't cash the checks if you don't want the extra burden...

steelblood
03-30-2010, 07:39 AM
I'm not sure I understand the distress over explaining unacceptable behavior by others. I try to raise my children by example and I explain there are many ways to live one's life. Some people choose illegal, violent, and sick ways to exist. These ways are not condusive to a happy, productive life. My gals nod their head. Who knows if they get it yet but I do try to explain contrast as the questions will come from somewhere. All you can do in the end is hope you were a good example and your children adhere to the values you taught.


It is distressing for some (most?) kids to try to begin understand sex, sexuality, and violence toward women all at once especially as they may be interrelated here. If keeping it simple for you works, that's great. But, these are complicated issues for my 8 and 10 year old. If you add into it that football happens to be a great passion for my boys, it becomes difficult for them to understand all of the motivations and urges involved. I can't get away with the "there is a bad path and a good path" speech here. It is a great starting point, but there are too many gray areas that they have questions about. Besides, most people do very good and very bad things in their lives.

flippy
03-30-2010, 08:00 AM
I'm not sure I understand the distress over explaining unacceptable behavior by others. I try to raise my children by example and I explain there are many ways to live one's life. Some people choose illegal, violent, and sick ways to exist. These ways are not condusive to a happy, productive life. My gals nod their head. Who knows if they get it yet but I do try to explain contrast as the questions will come from somewhere. All you can do in the end is hope you were a good example and your children adhere to the values you taught.


It is distressing for some (most?) kids to try to begin understand sex, sexuality, and violence toward women all at once especially as they may be interrelated here. If keeping it simple for you works, that's great. But, these are complicated issues for my 8 and 10 year old. If you add into it that football happens to be a great passion for my boys, it becomes difficult for them to understand all of the motivations and urges involved. I can't get away with the "there is a bad path and a good path" speech here. It is a great starting point, but there are too many gray areas that they have questions about. Besides, most people do very good and very bad things in their lives.

life is complicated. take them to church. put the fear(love) of god into them.

we all strive to do what is right, but if you sexually assault someone or tell a little lie, you are turning away from god. and that has dire consequences, so we all need to repent and turn away from our sins to be closer to god. and all will be better.

this all would have made no sense to me for the majority of my life, but now it's the only thing that makes any sense to me.

any other explanation falls short of explaining life. i have a hard time accepting religion but when things are really messed up it makes more sense. i really wish we all had blind faith at birth to make life so much simpler.

having faith may be the best example a father can have for their child. my own lack of faith is one of the reasons i've chosen not to have kids yet. i feel for your struggle.