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View Full Version : OT: Bye Week Fun - Neverending Story



MeetJoeGreene
11-02-2009, 09:27 AM
Here is how this works, I will start a story (Steeler related).. someone add a sentence or 2 .. and so on and so on.. se where it evolves and goes to.

Here goes:

One day after a hard practice, Hines Ward was climbing into is hyperbaric chamber when all of a sudden ...

RuthlessBurgher
11-02-2009, 10:05 AM
Limas Sweed catches a pass along the sideline, but bumps into the hyperbaric chamber and cannot maintain possession, so the pass is ruled incomplete. Hines' hyperbaric chamber is on wheels, though, and the collision makes it roll right out of Heinz Field toward the Allegheny River. Instead of stopping the rolling chamber, Limas feigns injury...

pfelix73
11-02-2009, 10:41 AM
While walking out of his restaurant near the stadium, Jerome "The Bus" Bettis glances towards the river and sees the chamber rolling closer and closer to the river's edge. He immediately puts down his money bag and gallops toward the chamber. Once he's beside it he looks back and sees what looks to be Limas Sweed lying on the ground.....

RuthlessBurgher
11-02-2009, 11:08 AM
Injured linebacker Brian Urlacher was walking along the river when he spots his old friend Jerome. "Hey, buddy! I wanted to try out one of the burgers from your Grille 36..." BOOM! Bettis plows over Urlacher on his way to attempt to prevent Hines and his hyperbaric chamber from plunging into the frigid depths.

MeetJoeGreene
11-02-2009, 11:11 AM
Meanwhile Hines, with his smile still intact, begins to curse out Sweed as he fakes his injury. Almost to the boiling point,things could have gotten really ugly if it weren't for the timely appearance of James Harrison.

pfelix73
11-02-2009, 11:58 AM
Trying to save that chamber from slipping into the murky waters of the Allegeny, Harrison jumps out of his Smart Car in which Max Starks and Chris Kemoeatu were sitting in the back seat. Harrison motions to Maxie and Kemo to help him stop the runaway chamber. As the 3 of them are wrestling with the chamber, Jeff Reed pulls up in his Ford pickup truck. Harrison yells- "Skippy, get the cable from your truck's wench and get your a$$ down here and help out." "Just don't stand there like you did last week on that kickoff..."........

MeetJoeGreene
11-02-2009, 12:11 PM
There was a brief moment of hope as the team members spotted Matt Spaeth taking a leak into the bushes next to the river.. The yelled out for him to stop the chamber. Matt tried to block it, but of couse ..missed the block.

pfelix73
11-02-2009, 12:44 PM
As Skippy finally makes his way down the river bank to his 3 comrades, he takes the cable and wraps it around the chamber. James instructs him to scurry back to the truck and to take up the slack on the cable. Max and Kemo frantically try to keep their grips on the end of the chamber as Skippy runs back to truck. Just as he reaches the pickup and the lever that controls the wench......

ikestops85
11-02-2009, 01:13 PM
but he misses ... wide left. He makes another lunge and misses wide right. He has flashbacks of being in Chitown. Finally his vision clears and he grabs the lever and Hines begins to be pulled back up to the truck. However, Kemo is in the way and gets run over similar to the way Shaun Rogers pancaked him near the goal line. As Kemo is laying on the ground he looks toward the river and sees Max slowly going under being dragged down from the weight of the gold bars he has taken as salary.

RuthlessBurgher
11-02-2009, 01:18 PM
James Harrison jumps into the water and grabs hold of the Hines' hyperbaric chamber but then Max Starks, weighed down by all of those gold bars and unable to swim, wraps his massive arm around Harrison's throat as Silverback pulls both of them to shore. Max tries to apologize for nearly choking Harrison like that, but James tells him that he is used to having left tackles clotheslining him like that all of the time.

pfelix73
11-02-2009, 01:39 PM
Meanwhile back on dry land, Jerome "The Bus" Bettis looks back towards his restaurant looking for his money bag that he dropped..... He runs back to find it, but off in the distance he sees what looks like 3 Bengals players stealing it.... He yells, but they don't seem to understand him and they make off with his loot..... Well, that just pi$$es him off even more, and yells towards them- "You just wait you thugs, payback is hell, I'm coming out of retirement......

RuthlessBurgher
11-02-2009, 02:30 PM
Since equipment manager Rodgers Freyvogel is not able to get enough jersey fabric to construct a jersey large enough to fit the now-even-more-massive Bettis, Jerome has to sit out the Broncos game on MNF. He spends his time on the sideline in Denver talking to Ryan Clark, telling him all about his plans to run over those Bengals that stole his loot in their next game at Heinz Field. "Just like in the old days...the Bengals could never ever stop me." In an effort to get away from Bettis' incessant rambling, Clark tells him that his sickle cell is acting up and he needs extra oxygen, so he spends the rest of the game inside Hines' waterlogged hyperbaric chamber in silence.

ikestops85
11-02-2009, 02:53 PM
So Bettis goes over to Parker demanding to know why he isn't on the playing field. Parker begins dancing and stuttering and says ...

RuthlessBurgher
11-02-2009, 03:20 PM
You taught me and helped make me what I am today, which is not much...

(*I believe that is what Parker said to Bettis on the sidelines after SBXL when the Steelers won and Bettis announced his retirement*)

SteelAbility
11-02-2009, 04:12 PM
Right then Mendenhall comes up to the two with a ball in his hand and says, "That's right. I'm the future of the Steelers running game." No sooner had the words come out of his mouth than he fumbled the ball ...

RuthlessBurgher
11-02-2009, 04:21 PM
After the Mendenhall fumble, the team calls up Isaac Redman from the practice squad to be their new starter at RB, and "Red Zone" Redman turns out to be better than Adrian Peterson. In fact, his game can only be described as a mix of Jim Brown with Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson. :lol:

pfelix73
11-02-2009, 05:36 PM
As soon as the team arrives back from Denver- with another victory, Bettis says "OK guys, the NEXT game, I owe something to those no good, bumbling, bungholes. I'm starting and I'm gonna flatten them......You younger guys.... you pay attention as to how it's done. Willie's already been down this road, so Mendy- pay attention. Now if I can only fit into this uniform again........."

The players get over to Heinz Field and to their surpise they find that Ward's chamber is now placed perfectly on the 50 yard line all cleaned up and glistening in the sunshine, almost God-like........

MeetJoeGreene
11-02-2009, 05:56 PM
...it didn't stay that way for long. Ike Taylor and Limas sweed were doing catching drills in front of it and collectively let 100 balls slip through their hands striking the chamber. When the last one struck, they heard a muffled sound from inside. They opened the chamber and to their surprise.....

pfelix73
11-02-2009, 08:59 PM
Skippy was inside with a beer in his hand. Talking like a good drunk would talk, he stumbles out of the chamber and then starts to laugh. He laughs so hard that he can't stop and falls to the turf in hysterics.... Limas and Ike look at him in amazement and ask the Skipster why he is laughing so hard...........

fordfixer
11-03-2009, 06:40 AM
Skippy say's "I don't know but I just fell to the ground and didn't drop my beer". Ike looks at Sweed and say's he's got a point.

MeetJoeGreene
11-03-2009, 09:05 AM
Reed, in a drunken stupor, begins to have hallucinations. He imagines that Sweed's head looks like an empty towel dispenser and begins flailing at it with his right hand (maintaining control of the beer in his other. Matt Spaeth tries to intervene by blocking Reed's punch, but of course he misses the block.

RuthlessBurgher
11-03-2009, 10:55 AM
Reed looks back at the hyperbaric chamber and sees Michael Jackson emerge (after all, he was the first guy to use a hyperbaric chamber that I know of). Suddenly, his hallucinations turn from amusing to frightening. He screams, "You're dead! Ahhhhh!" As the King of Pop gets closer, he realizes that it isn't a hallucination. Coach Tomlin pulls off the Thriller mask, Scooby-Doo style, revealing the true identity! It is Michael Jackson...the WR for the Browns and Ravens from several years ago!!! Ahhhhh!!!

http://decibelmagazine.com/admin/assets/uploads/michael-jackson-thriller-remake-acapella-5.jpg

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/phantom%20scooby%20doo%20unmask%201.jpg

http://www.baltimoresun.com/media/photo/2007-09/32847080.jpg

flippy
11-03-2009, 11:17 AM
Matt Spaeth says wait a minute, this isn't Michael Jackson and pulls out his junk and proceeds to pee on him, melting the disguise and revealing that it's actually....

RuthlessBurgher
11-03-2009, 11:26 AM
R. Kelly! He yells at Speath, saying "Nobody pees on me! I pee on you!" Then Jeff Reed, still hallucinationing, starts singing "I believe I can fly!" and starts chasing an imaginary Bugs Bunny around Heinz Field, blaming his wabbit holes for the poor condition of the turf.

flippy
11-03-2009, 11:33 AM
Spaeth eventually beats RKelly in a 3 hour long swordfight which shames RKelly back in the closet. But they should both be proud, they just created a 4th river in Pittsburgh which sweeps away Hines' chamber and it begins floating down the Ohio....

pfelix73
11-03-2009, 11:38 AM
Just then, Jerome 'The Bus' Bettis breaks out of the locker room and runs on to the field even though it's not game day. He's partially dressed in his uniform, pants bulging in the back side and his jersey only covering his mid section with his gut exposed... He's yelling where are those Bungholes! I want my $ back that they stole from me.... I want a piece of those no good rotten scum bags..... from Cincinnati. Just as he's walking towards Ike and Skippy, he looks over and sees Michael Jackson- or what's left of him and says..... "What the hell happened to you? You know that chamber is supposed to fix anything.... That's why Hines bought it, I'd use it too, but I can't fit in the damn thing........." But the chamber is now headed down the Ohio River when........

flippy
11-03-2009, 11:53 AM
Jerome slips into the newly formed RKaeth River and begins floating down the Ohio himself..."Guess I'm heading to Cincy" Jerome says as the rest of the Steelers jump on the Jerome Boat and ride him down the Ohio....

pfelix73
11-03-2009, 12:03 PM
Jerome is heard screaming at the top of his lungs, "if them no good rotten bungholes aren't coming here until Sunday, then I'm going to them.....This river does go all the way to Cincinnati -Right?"

RuthlessBurgher
11-03-2009, 12:03 PM
They arrive in Cincy and Jerome celebrates by having 36 servings of Skyline 5-way chili. The resulting flatulence makes Cincinnati smell almost as bad as Cleveland.

pfelix73
11-03-2009, 12:31 PM
Bettis chuckles as he's putting down another bowl of that chili and mumbles, "Well this stench in this town has made it all worth while" I don't care if I get my $ back or not".. "Let's get out of this place and go back to the Burgh before we all pass out from the fumes.." Bettis and those who traveled with him hitch a ride back home.....

flippy
11-03-2009, 12:41 PM
WHen they get back to Pittsburgh, Jerome sees Mike Wallace holding his bag of money and asks, "How'd you get my money back? "

MeetJoeGreene
11-03-2009, 12:53 PM
"Aw shucks" says Mike, "It wasn't nuthin for somebody with my speed. Me and James Harrison just .... "

pfelix73
11-03-2009, 05:42 PM
decided to play Cincinnati all by ourselves. They did invite Ben to come out and throw to Mike, but Harrison thought it might be neat to play defense against the Bengals by himself. He figured he could just rush the QB and knock Palmer down on every play. Then Harrison thought it might be neat to invite Jerome to play in Casey's spot because of his large frame, so The Bus was invited to play defense along with #92.

There you have it. The Cincinnati Bungholes vs. Ben and Mike on Offense and #92 and #36 on defense..... Just as the game was getting ready to begin.......

flippy
11-04-2009, 08:20 AM
decided to play Cincinnati all by ourselves. They did invite Ben to come out and throw to Mike, but Harrison thought it might be neat to play defense against the Bengals by himself. He figured he could just rush the QB and knock Palmer down on every play. Then Harrison thought it might be neat to invite Jerome to play in Casey's spot because of his large frame, so The Bus was invited to play defense along with #92.

There you have it. The Cincinnati Bungholes vs. Ben and Mike on Offense and #92 and #36 on defense..... Just as the game was getting ready to begin.......

Mike decided to run over to Chris Henry's house where Jerome's money was stashed with the stash. Somehow he managed to get there and back while the games opening kickoff was in the air. Mike got back, returned the first kick for a TD and .....

MeetJoeGreene
11-04-2009, 09:08 AM
Pulled a cell phone from the Goal Post padding and called Chad Ocho Cinco. When Ocho answered, Mike began chanting...

stlrz d
11-04-2009, 09:35 AM
Pulled a cell phone from the Goal Post padding and called Chad Ocho Cinco. When Ocho answered, Mike began chanting...

Whooooooooooo! Whoooooooooooo! Whooooooooooooo!

Whooooooooooooooo dey!

To which Ocho replied...

RuthlessBurgher
11-04-2009, 11:04 AM
Pulled a cell phone from the Goal Post padding and called Chad Ocho Cinco. When Ocho answered, Mike began chanting...

Whooooooooooo! Whoooooooooooo! Whooooooooooooo!

Whooooooooooooooo dey!

To which Ocho replied...

Well, actually, he didn't actually say anything per se. He tweeted his reply, which is now his only form of communication.

[@OGOchOCinco] "You Dey. The Steelers have always been the Dey who gonna beat dem Bengals. We've gone from color T.V. back to black-and-white again. :cry: "

flippy
11-04-2009, 11:44 AM
COC was so busy tweeting that he forgot to take the field on the next drive. Fortunately for the Bengals...

ikestops85
11-04-2009, 12:55 PM
COC was so busy tweeting that he forgot to take the field on the next drive. Fortunately for the Bengals...

While Harrison was on the field treating Palmer like a weeble Wallace was on the sidelines telling Ben about the underage girls he saw drinking at Chris Henry's house. Ben told Mike to ...

RuthlessBurgher
11-04-2009, 12:57 PM
...do not, under any circumstances, let Jeff Reed know about that.

pfelix73
11-04-2009, 10:06 PM
Well, somehow Jeff Reed found out about the girls and all the drinking going on over at Chris Henry's house and that was the last time we saw Jeff for the rest of the season. Harrison got a tweet from Jeff, saying "I found my thrill on blueberry hill.."rambling on and on....

From that point on, Harrison decided that he would be the kicker for the rest of the season. He figured, he can't hike worth a pi$$, so why not try the kicking duties......

Meantime, the game was still being played and at the half, the score was Steelers 8 Bungholes 0.....Besides the opeing TD from Mike's kickoff return, Jerome had a sack in the endzone when he fell over the Center and landed right on top of Carson.... breaking his leg in 4 places......

The second half was about to begin when.........

RuthlessBurgher
11-05-2009, 01:05 PM
...Bettis notices Jordan Palmer warming up. He gets confused, since he already broke Carson Palmer's leg in 4 places. He asks if they are cloning Palmers in Cincinnati. He starts rambling incoherently about feeding after midnight, getting them wet, and bright lights...

ikestops85
11-05-2009, 01:26 PM
Coach Tomlin figures Jerome is lost for awhile so he better fire Harrison up. He tells Jimmy Hate that the Palmer clan has all these kids and they haven't been baptized so what is #92 going to do about it. Harrison storms the field and ...

RuthlessBurgher
11-05-2009, 01:35 PM
He grabs Jordan Palmer, throws him into the fountain at Point State Park so that he can be baptized, and Palmer's body starts emitting spores that develop into little Palmers (I guess Bettis was right about that "not getting them wet" thing), only all of the Palmer Gremlins have breasts and wear skirts, since the fountain water was still pink in commemmoration of breast cancer awareness.

pfelix73
11-05-2009, 02:12 PM
Just as the baptism was taking place, Marvin Lewis yells "UNCLE" and forfeits the rest of the game...... So, the final score winds up:

Steelers 8
Bungholes 0

And the Steelers own sole possession of 1st place in the AFC North.

At the conclusion of the baptism, Bettis swims back over to shore and enters the stadium once again. He immediately begins looking for Phil Simms and Jim Nantz so he can again announce that the "Bus stops here" "I'm going back into retirement." "Now get out of my way, I'm famished and I need to get back over to my restaurant."

When Jerome gets back over to his establishment, he sees Hines walking out a side door to his place with a hamburger in his hand... 1st thing that comes to his mind, is damn he just stole a burger from the kitchen, what up with that? Upset at the thought of being ripped off once again, he stumbles in to the restaurant and low and behold he sees the CHAMBER- Hines Ward's Chamber all shiny and polished up sitting right in the center of his restaurant..... "This thing is incredible" he chuckles and then when no one was looking, he opens the door and tries to climb inside.......

SteelAbility
11-05-2009, 04:14 PM
<insert thought>

You know, this never-ending story isn't nearly as interesting as a real game. Just sayin'. :tt2

<end thought>

RuthlessBurgher
11-05-2009, 04:50 PM
<insert thought>

You know, this never-ending story isn't nearly as interesting as a real game. Just sayin'. :tt2

<end thought>

We don't make the schedule. We just do whatever we can to pass the time when there is a lull in that schedule. The Denver game can't get here soon enough.

DECK THE DONKOS THEY'RE JUST YONKOS...FAH GAH GAH GAH GAH, GAH GAH GAH GAH!!!

(...and now, back to your regularly scheduled programming, featuring Atreyu, Falkor, and the Neverending Story...)

Wait! Wrong Neverending Story. Sorry.

flippy
11-05-2009, 05:04 PM
>>>>Bettis cries..."Ewwww this thing stinks. No wonder they named Hines the dirtiest player in football. Now I'm the dirtiest Bus in Pittsburgh. Guess it's time to unretire and head out to Denver since Ryan Clark can't play. I'm going to leave 2 tickets for next week's game at Will Call for SteelAbility because...

pfelix73
11-06-2009, 01:21 PM
Hines Ward heads home after his visit of Jerome's kitchen and eating a hamberger or 2. Meanwhile Jerome is now stuck in this smelly chamber that once belonged to Hines- his buddy of old. Not able to get out, Jerome decides that it's best to just take a nap.

Ward pulls in the driveway of his $5 million mansion and proceeds to go to bed for a long nights sleep.....

After sunrise, Ward wakes up and mumbles to himself was that a dream I had last night about that hyperbaric chamber I own?

Oh well, another day another practice... ho hum....

THE END

Jooser
11-06-2009, 01:53 PM
Tonio says: "Poof! and just like that, the bye week went up in smoke!"

http://i756.photobucket.com/albums/xx205/dianavp/bear.gif


:tt2 :tt2 :tt2 :tt2 :tt2 :tt2 :tt2 :tt2 :tt2 :tt2

SteelAbility
11-06-2009, 05:08 PM
And just then Ben woke up from his dream about Hines' dream about his hyperbarric chamber ... Naaahh! Forget it! It's a good time to end the never-ending story. :wft