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stlrz d
02-18-2009, 04:04 PM
http://www.thebrushback.com/franchise_full.htm


Lions Told They Cannot Use Franchise Tag On Kurt Warner

DETROIT--The Lions’ offseason plans were dealt a setback on Monday when the league informed them they could not place the franchise tag on Cardinals’ quarterback Kurt Warner. According to the collective bargaining agreement, Warner is only eligible to be franchised by his current employer.

Undeterred, GM Martin Mayhew said the team already has a contingency plan in place.

“We really wanted to secure Kurt Warner with the franchise tag,” said Mayhew. “But apparently there are some very obscure rules in the collective bargaining agreement that prohibit that kind of thing. I’m still not quite sure I understand them all, but suffice it to say Kurt is not going to be a Detroit Lion next year. Plan B is the draft. Hopefully there will be some veteran quarterbacks available for us there.”

Warner first caught the attention of the Lions front office during his team’s historic run to the Super Bowl. After learning the 38-year-old would be a free agent at the end of the season, Mayhew came up with a plan to secure his services for one year.

“I thought if we could lock him up for one year at like $14 million, that would stabilize the QB position for 2009,” Mayhew said. “Then we could select our QB of the future in the draft. It sounded so easy. So we called Kurt’s agent to tell him the news, and he was like ‘You can’t do that,’ and I was like ‘Oh yea? Check the CBA, bitch,’ then I hung up on him. Needless to say I feel a little silly right now.”

With the initial plan in shambles, the Lions will now shift their focus to the draft.

“We are, as we speak, compiling a list of all the quarterbacks that are available in the draft,” Mayhew said. “We are taking down their names, finding out what schools they went to, how tall they are, and how much they weigh. We’re also doing a lot of internet-based research. For instance, there’s this website called Sportpicks.net that has us selecting someone named Matthew Stafford. So we’re using all tools at our disposal.”

When asked whether the Lions planned to use their franchise tag on any of their own players, Mayhew was noncommittal.

“That’s one of the many options on the table for us,” said Mayhew. “Dan Orlovsky comes to mind as a guy we might want to keep around. As for the rest of our free agents, frankly, we’ve never heard of most of them. Paris Lenon? Corey Smith? Stanley Wilson? None of these names even ring a bell. Ooh, wait. Jason Hanson. I’ve heard of that guy! Let’s use the franchise tag on him.”

As for Warner, he said he was “flattered” that the Lions wanted to use their franchise tag on him, but question the direction of a franchise with such incompetence in the front office.

“Obviously it’s flattering any time a team shows an interest in you,” said Warner. “But everyone knows you can’t franchise someone who's not on your team. I'm not even a GM and I know that. Everybody knows that. And to think I actually had the Lions on the list of teams I would pretend to be interested to increase my leverage with the Cardinals.”

Copyright 2009, The Brushback - This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

:D :D :D

Wolfhound45
02-18-2009, 04:07 PM
Matt Millen, screwing up again! :twisted:

:wink:

RuthlessBurgher
02-18-2009, 04:07 PM
I was like ‘Oh yea? Check the CBA, bitch,’ then I hung up on him.

:lol:

RuthlessBurgher
02-18-2009, 04:14 PM
Also on that site:


Santonio Holmes Now Selling Weed Out Of Brand New Escalade

BELLE GRADE, FL--Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes, fresh off his team’s Super Bowl victory, is now selling weed out of the brand new Escalade he won as he game's MVP. Holmes realizes that since he won the Super Bowl MVP, his life will never be the same.
“Winning that award has really opened some doors for me,” said Holmes, leaning out the window of his new ride. “Before I was selling this **** out of a 2001 Ford Explorer. I was embarrassed to be riding around in it. Now I’m rolling around town in this big ol’ Escalade. When I come down the street, people say ‘Here comes Santonio Holmes, Super Bowl MVP’ and they all want to buy **** off me, especially the little kids. They’re so starstruck when I hand them their bags. And I always tell them, if you work hard and believe in yourself, you can get away from the streets and then come back to them with more money.”

I hadn't seen this particular sports satire site before. I was familiar with DJ Gallo's SportsPickle site and the sports page on the Onion's site.

stlrz d
02-18-2009, 04:24 PM
Also on that site:


Santonio Holmes Now Selling Weed Out Of Brand New Escalade

BELLE GRADE, FL--Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes, fresh off his team’s Super Bowl victory, is now selling weed out of the brand new Escalade he won as he game's MVP. Holmes realizes that since he won the Super Bowl MVP, his life will never be the same.
“Winning that award has really opened some doors for me,” said Holmes, leaning out the window of his new ride. “Before I was selling this bad word out of a 2001 Ford Explorer. I was embarrassed to be riding around in it. Now I’m rolling around town in this big ol’ Escalade. When I come down the street, people say ‘Here comes Santonio Holmes, Super Bowl MVP’ and they all want to buy bad word off me, especially the little kids. They’re so starstruck when I hand them their bags. And I always tell them, if you work hard and believe in yourself, you can get away from the streets and then come back to them with more money.”

I hadn't seen this particular sports satire site before. I was familiar with DJ Gallo's SportsPickle site and the sports page on the Onion's site.

Awesome! :D

SteelHead
02-18-2009, 04:24 PM
I was like ‘Oh yea? Check the CBA, bitch,’ then I hung up on him.

:lol:

I know man , I let out a good hearty laugh on that one. I had half the office staring me down wondering what was so funny !

Sad thing is , for a brief moment I actually thought those dumb*ss lions actually attempted something like this.

ramblinjim
02-19-2009, 09:53 PM
I was like ‘Oh yea? Check the CBA, bitch,’ then I hung up on him.

:lol:

I know man , I let out a good hearty laugh on that one. I had half the office staring me down wondering what was so funny !

Sad thing is , for a brief moment I actually thought those dumb*ss lions actually attempted something like this.


It's good to hear this guy is back. He was around a couple of years ago and stopped doing the news for almost a year. he used to put up a new "article" every week, it was awfully funny stuff.